thoughts...

I'm pondering life today. It's been over a year since I posted anything and not much has changed...and a lot has. I'm still at the same job, still with the same guy, still have a great kid. I'm taking chemistry(which I hate) because I want to eventually get my BSN, but I'm feeling like it will take me an age to get it done because I can't take more than one class at a time because I have to work full time. I have to work full time because I'm a single mom, sending her kid to private school and trying to maintain my accustomed lifestyle. No, I can't give up my daily lattes and my eBay addiction. I'm trying to cope with the onset of winter blahs and an overwhelming avalanche of "ex" issues. All of which should not really be issues, but I'm having them. I spent the weekend at a retreat where the subject of one of my exes came up. The "dark one". The one who I got almost suicidally depressed over. I'm sad to say he still triggers me. I hate talking about that time in my life. But it came up and I had to deal. I'm still working on letting that one go. And then another ex reveals he is bi-sexual. On his MySpace page. And though I shouldn't care, I do. Because I still feel guilty about the way I treated him and the way things ended. And becasue I worry about my friends. I don't want to see them get hurt. But, I need to get over it. It's not my life... And of course there's always my ex-husband and the fact that I think it's his life's goal to make me want to open a vein. I'm starting to despise him. And I don't like that feeling. I want to let go of all of that too. Goddess...grant me the serenity...